Turrets' Syndrome
by Captain Greene
Summary: Chell meets up with GLaDOS, but things don't go as planned. A short one-shot based on a Steam award for Portal 2 and encouraged by a friend, tucked in snugly between canon events. Should neither induce warm fuzzies nor nightmares, but I guess that depends on if killer AIs give you nightmares... in which case, you'll either have never played Portal, or done it & just had nightmares.


Portal 2: Turrets' Syndrome

Author's Note - Any good Portal 2 fan will probably know where this gaiden chapter falls into the game's story. I wrote it, proofread it, lost it, found, edited it, lost it again, and finally found it tonight while browsing a flash drive in boredom. It's time to let it out.

* * *

"Drop one of the defective turrets in for a template and let's get moving!" Wheatley was shouting. Time was quickly escaping from me and my robotic accomplice. I stepped up to the window where the turret template had previously stood and stared out over the conveyor line of turrets in production. The moment the next turret came up the line to the programming station, a scanner came down from the ceiling around me. The computer beside me beeped, signifying the completion of the copy process, and the scanner rose back up to the ceiling from which it had dropped. The next thing I knew, the turret went to the testing station, where a full-sized test dummy was standing, awaiting barrage after barrage of bullets from the completed and fully functioning turrets. This time was different. The turret did not open fire on the dummy; It merely greeted it.

"Hello."

The dummy didn't respond. The turret was declared operational and was rushed off to the next part of the factory for storage, shipment, or whatever they did with the things. Turret after turret passed by the test dummy, greeting it cheerfully before moving on to the shipping area.

"That's cute," I chuckled. "Okay, Wheatley, let's go!"

Wheatley hacked the door. Opening the door created a pressure imbalance within the room, and both of us were immediately sucked out of a window. We travelled for some time down a pressurized tube, until eventually Wheatley rolled down a wrong chute and I... After landing and walking around a bit, I ended up right at the feet of GlaDOS.

GlaDOS enclosed the walls around me, boxing me in until there was barely any room left to move, then slid open the floor to reveal a glass chamber. Losing my foothold, I fell into the glass box. The box slid up above the walls that had surrounded me, until it sat on level flooring.

In an attempt to kill me, GlaDOS placed three of the familiar turrets by the front and two sides of my prison. Little did she know... I smirked, though I was a bit worried, truth be told.

I had nothing to be afraid of.

"Hello," greeted one of the turrets.

"Nice to meet you," another agreed.

"You seem to be in quite a pickle," the third noted.

"What." It was all GlaDOS could manage for a few seconds. "Well, go on! She's the target, kill her!"

"Kill her? That wouldn't be very nice!" One of the turrets refused.

"Shouldn't we talk to her first, at least? She looks like she's been through a lot!" The center turret noted.

"Shooting fish in a barrel, what fun is that?" the third questioned.

"What? No! She's the one that killed me, and she'll do it again, if she gets the chance!"

"You killed GlaDOS? That's not very nice!" the turret on the right exclaimed, appalled.

"She didn't kill you - you're here right now," the center turret wisely observed.

"It's... a long story," GlaDOS sighed.

"So," the left side turret began, "We have a girl in a glass cage and a lying robot hanging from the ceiling above us, telling us to kill the poor, defenseless girl."

"I'm not lying! She killed me!"

The turret ignored her. "I think our course of action is clear - we must let the girl out, so she can get out of here. Wesley, you keep GlaDOS in check so the girl has time to escape."

"Right," one of the turrets, apparently known as Wesley, agreed. He turned to face the menacing robot affixed to the ceiling, red laser beam fixed on one of her cores. "Um, Larry? Which one is GlaDOS?"

"I'm sure she has a name, Larry. It's impolite to keep referring to her simply as 'the girl,'" the center turret interrupted. What's your name?"

"Chell," I replied, chuckling.

When Larry turned to face the frustrated and furious GLaDOS, he let out a puzzled whistle. "Hm, you know Wesley, I'm not sure. Just keep an eye on all of them, and if she gets out of line, start firing at one of them. If she doesn't respond, aim for a different one."

"Great idea, Larry."

"Is violence always the answer?" The center turret rebuked.

"No, Susan," Larry quipped, "But it seems to be the answer THIS time."

"Eh, I guess sometimes it can't be helped," Susan reluctantly admitted.

"You know, Chell here is carrying a gun of some sort. She may not be as innocent as she looks," Wesley noted.

"Good point, Wesley," Susan had to agree. "But -"

I heard a rapid series of three beeps.

"What was that?" Susan wondered aloud.

"Uh, guys?" Wesley asked, his voice a bit fearful. He promptly exploded.

It was then that I saw the missile launcher situated on the floor beneath GLaDOS.

"Wesley!" Both Larry and Susan shouted in unison, their horrified mechanical voices comedic, if a bit macabre and somewhat unsettling.

The missile launcher trained its scope on the second, previously the center of the three friendly turrets, Susan, but both she and Larry had their lasers fixed on the offending missile machine and were blasting the daylights out of it.

"You - no, stop it!" GlaDOS shouted.

The launcher managed to fire off one more missile at the two heroic turrets that remained before the launcher, itself blew up in a surprisingly large ball of flame. Fortunately for me, the little turrets' barrage of bullets knocked the missile launcher askew just before it fired, sending its rocket straight at me and my glass prison.

Missile, glass prison... did I say "fortunately?" I ducked into the corner, as far away from the shattering glass as I could, covering my face with my hands to protect me from the flying glass that shattered all around me.

I picked up my trusty portal gun. The two remaining turrets opened fire on various of GlaDOS cores, changing targets as often as they saw fit, when one or another came into view as GLaDOS' thrashed around.

It was on!


End file.
